The Fist, the Bullet and the Fang
by lord Martiya
Summary: Akane just graduated from university, and is now a professor in the most prestigious middle school of Japan, the Mahora. Home of an old friend of Ranma called Mana and of the most dreaded vampire in the world! EDIT: first chapter revised by Dreamingfox.
1. Chapter 1

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is probably one of the craziest plot I ever imagined (and I imagined a _Slayers_/_Harry Potter_ crossover where Ginny was Lina Inverse reincarnated. Don't kill me, I revised the plot and Lina Inverse reincarnation is not Ginny, and greatly dislike her!), and it popped out in my mind while I was reading a couple of fanfic with _Negima! Magister Negi Magi_/_Ranma 1/2_ crossovers. Well, I hope you enjoy.

by lord Martiya

P.S. 1: rating could change, and will probably do.

P.S. 2: being Mana a major character and gun crazy, I'll everytime present a glossary of the firearms appeared in the chapter.

Firearms glossary

PGM Hecate II: a French-made anti-materiel rifle, is the standard heavy sniper rifle of French army and is chambered for the 12.7x99 mm NATO (.50 BMG) cartridge. It has an effective range of 1800 m and a maximum range of over 2o00 m. It appeared in _Negima!_ in chapter 86 as Mana's method for stop love confessions in the forbidden zone sending confessing people in infirmary with tranquillizer-paralizing bullets.

M29 launcher and M-388 Davy Crockett: the M29 is a 155 mm recoiless rifle with a range of 4 km (2.5 mi). Alongside the M28, a similar 102 mm recoiless rifle with a range of 2 km (1.25 mi), it was intended to launch M-388 Davy Crockett tactical nuclear weapons, projectile version of the W54 warhead with a selectable yield of 10 ton to 0.5 kiloton. It was intended to be used in Europe in case of Soviet invasion to stop the enemy long enough to mobilize NATO forces. With the end of the Cold War, it was retired.

**CHAPTER 01: ENCOUNTERS**

Today was the culmination of the long and hard efforts of one Akane Tendo. After several long years of study and hard work she was graduating from Japan's most prestigious school in all of Japan, Tokyo Daigaku, also known as Todai(1), and having earned her certification as a P.E. teacher. With her middle sister Nibiki's help she had even managed to land a job at a highly regarded middle school.

The day was especially memorable as both her sisters, her father, her fiancé and his rarely seen little sister (2), her friend and rival Ukyo (with Konatsu), Ryoga and Akari, and rivals Shampoo and Kodachi were all in attendance without any, any property damage. While the violet haired Amazon and the still insane Kodachi Kuno had tried to convince Ranma to break off his engagement to her citing her focus on education and mental development instead of the martial arts (something Ranma prided himself in) as being too great a barrier for the couple to overcome.

"Saotome, this shall be the last day you see alive!" the Kuno heir shouted as he rushed to join the festivities. Unfortunately even the joyous occasion was not enough to keep all the martial artists from trying to resolve their differences.

"Geez, Kuno, can you return tomorrow? Akane just graduated, and we're trying to celebrate..." Ranma replied as he tried to reign in the delusional kendo master (self proclaimed of course).

"And my present will be rid her off of thou, Foul Lecherous Sorcerer!" Kuno declared, making everybody wondering how he could even be related to the much saner Principal Kuno, who was interned in an asylum just a few month before, and Kodachi, because Kodachi for once was kind enough to congratulate to Akane before trying to have Ranma ditch her and, thanks to Happosai, they know that Principal Kuno wanted to send her a shaver but decided against that and sent instead various pineapples (if they asked me I would inform them that indeed Kuno Tatewaki was the less crazy, but his IQ was very low while Principal Kuno had a IQ of 131 and Kodachi had one of 159 and Mensa(3) membership).

"Fine, it's your funeral," Ranma deadpanned as he slipped into guarded position. Waiting for Kuno's charge Ranma countered with a much faster kick, stopping the taller man dead in his tracks. Laughing hysterically Kuno simply stood there as his attempted to will his body to attack his smaller and younger opponent.

"I'm not fool like you, Varlet!" Kuno declared, pointing Ranma. "With your tricks and black magic thou always managed to not being rightfully slain, but this time thou shall die!"

...

...

...

"Kuno, I'm waiting." Ranma said as he waited for the older man to move (twitching doesn't count). Around them the others waited for Kuno's body to either comply with the insane man's demands or for it to revolt and admit defeat by falling down despite having endured a blow that would have stopped even an elephant in its tracks. Seeing that nothing was going to happen soon several people looked around, waiting to catch sight of something other then Kuno twitching. Only Kodachi appeared disinterested, yawning as she had already assumed that her older brother could not hold a candle to her longtime crush.

"Strange..." Kuno commented as he realized that something was amiss.

Then, something began to play the _Ode to Joy_ of Beethoven...

"Hello?"

... that Kuno used as ring tone of his cell phone. If you wonder why, I asked him: he believed that his mere presence was a joy to all women and that his cell's ring tone should be adequate.

"Puu! Why did you not killed the Foul Sorcerer at the signal?" Kuno asked in the phone. "Yes, he is Saotome Ranma… What? I've never seen him with red hair or cross-dressing… What's this about cold water? Yes, he fears cats over anything… WAIT! THOU SHALT NOT QUIT THIS JOB!"

Listening to Kuno's bizarre conversation Ranma and Ryoga exchanged glances. Seeing the look in each other's eyes both martial artists knew that they were both thinking the same thing.

"Do you think he hired HER?" Ryoga asked.

"Nah, even he is not that much of an idiot..." Ranma replied.

"There's no way he'd know that she's even remotely connected to us or that she's our friend."

"Yeah, you're right," Ranma admitted.

"Ranma, who are you talking about?" Akane asked.

"Well, I believe Kuno tried to hire that friend of mine about who I told you..."

"The one that makes you look like, what did you call her, oh yeah, 'an uncute tomboy' is what he called you," Ryoga added, getting a punch to the nose for his effort to explain the situation.

"Saotome, what's happening?" Soun asked.

"Kuno probably tried to hire a friend of Ranma's to kill him. If I'm right she'll come here to pay her penalties for breaking the contract... And, Akane..." Ryoga explained.

"Yes?"

"Don't be jealous or provoke her," Ranma interjected, putting a hand over his rival's mouth so that said rival couldn't put his foot into it instead. "Her boyfriend died just two months ago and she hasn't recovered yet, and she can be nastier than Master or even the infamous Dark Evangeline when pissed off."

"I'm not that nasty," a voice stated.

Hearing the voice Genma instinctively moved to hide behind his longtime friend Soun. Turning around to see the speaker the others understood why she was the reason behind Ranma calling Akane an uncute tomboy who lacked any sex appeal whatsoever and meaning it: in spite of her Hecate II anti-materiel rifle she had a feminine sway to her movements and very beautiful face and raven lockes, her dark skin and golden eyes gave her a mysterious glamour, and, while being very tall (184 cm. She's higher than me!!!), she had a wonderful and very well proportioned body with a big breasts (88.9 cm). She was even made the beautiful Shampoo (who was rightfully proud of her beauty and sex appeal) feel inadequate and plain. _Sailor Moon_ fans even noted why she was nicknamed Puu: with red eyeliner, a slightly different hair-style and a Sailor fuku she could pass for Sailor Pluto (also nicknamed Puu), and Kasumi even exclaimed "Sailor Pluto?!" when she saw her.

Handing Kuno the money had had given her as a down payment for the job, the mysterious woman pinched his neck, knocking him out instantly. Catching the tall kendo fighter as he fell she liberated him of the money she'd just returned to him.

"He was actually stupid enough to hire her," Ranma stated.

"And as always, she paid him back," Ryoga added, "before robbing him blind."

"Guys, if you know her that well why don't you introduce her to us?" Nabiki (still unfazed) asked.

Ranma proceeded to present the group to the mysterious woman, then presented her: "Guys, this is Tatsumiya Mana, also known as Puu. You can see why(4)."

"Well, pleased to meet you..." Akane said, fighting with herself to not scream out of jealousy.

"Wait, Puu as in The Four of Asaba(5)?" Ukyo asked.

"The same one," Mana confirmed.

"Oh... And where are Fury, Sandokan and Merlin?"

Mana pointed Ranma(4) and Ryoga(4) and answered "Fury" and "Sandokan". It made sense, Fury was a stallion and the titular character of a western TV series, and Sandokan was a novel character nicknamed 'Tiger of Malaysia'. Following the scheme, 'Merlin' had to be a mage. Ukyo was about to ask when she saw Mana looking in Akane's eyes. Obviously trembling, the youngest Tendo daughter had even wet herself but was unable to break the dark skinned beauty's gaze. Held captive by the woman's powerful eyes it was as though Akane were little more then a rat staring into a king cobra's eyes.

"You managed to not faint or kill yourself; well done." Mana declared. "Very few people can look Death in her eyes and survive wetting themselves. I don't personally know you very well so I hold my opinions about your engagement to Ranma; but I must say that you're very lucky to be his fiancé." Turning to Ranma and Ryoga she smiled, "Just like the old days."

Ranma and Ryoga accepted with a little satisfied squeal and tailed her, when Kuno reappeared holding a real katana.

"Fear not, fair maiden, I shall now slay the vile sorcerer that ensnared your will with the ones of the pure Akane and the lovely Pigtailed Girl!" he declared.

Mana looked at Ranma while pointing at Kuno.

"In my letters I downplayed his recovering abilities and idiocy," Ranma shrugged.

"Thou shalt not belittle my abilities!" Kuno declared. "Experience Heaven Punishment!"

**KER-POW!**

In the middle of the swing, Kuno's katana was broken by Mana Desert Eagle's round. The broken blade fled away, shaving Kuno's head.

"I don't know how you did this, but thou shall now die!" Unfazed, Kuno declared producing another katana. "My technique is far superior to the imitations made by the Kyoto Shinmeiryuu(6), and now..."

"_**ZANMAKEN!**_"

An enraged young woman sent Kuno flying away.

"Aoyama Motoko, Shinmeiryuu successor, wielder of the ex-cursed sword Youto Hina and law student," Ranma explained. "It's about the fourth time that Aoyama blasted him..."

"Where's the pub?" Mana asked.

Before Akane could say anything, the three of them disappeared.

"It's useless trying to stop them," Akari warned. "They do this every time they meet. But, Kuonji-san, can you tell us about the Four of Asaba?"

"They were the best in my other line of work," Ukyo answered.

"What's your other line of work?" Kasumi asked.

"We're at Todai, nobody will mind you unless you declare that you want to kill the Emperor, so split up." Akane ordered.

"Well, I'm a kunoichi, so my other work besides cooking is killing and doing other dirty work. And the Four of Asaba were the best; the best in the world. Puu was famous for being able to hit a bull's eye from over a kilometer or hit a target with ricocheting round and infamous for being completely merciless, Merlin was famous for being totally unpredictable and the brains of the team, Fury was infamous for being an unwilling womanizer and able to throw you back everything you used against them, and Sandokan was infamous for his immense strength and being a total moron. If Ran-chan and the jackass are Fury and Sandokan, we never saw their REAL strength."

This last phrase terrified all of them; if they always held back, how much strong they REALLY were? Unable to comprehend how powerful the two rivals really were everyone else seemed content to just stand there, unfortunately for them Ukyo had something else to say.

"They're also apparently involved in the training of the D Team, a group of very powerful and totally insane mercenary," Ukyo added. "It's rumored that their leader once used a 10 megatons hydrogen bomb as anti-personnel weaponry."

"WHAT?!?!?!" everybody shouted.

"That's the rumor. I don't know if it's true, but I met him once, and he's completely insane; a mad genius."

"Is he crazier than me?" Kodachi asked.

"A lo-wait, you know you're crazy?!"

"So much that I scared away every counselor," Kodachi admitted, "why?"

They preferred not know anything else.

Later that night when Ranma and Ryoga returned, they were, of course, totally drunk. It was weird, but for some reason drunk-Ryoga had a very good sense of direction. Sometimes he makes me wonder about things...

Some day after, at the Mahora Gakuen (Mahora Middle School), a large group of students not only from the Mahora but from every school of the complex gathered in the gymnasium. Somewhere in the mass of humanity was Mana. Beside her a waif of a girl wearing the Mahora uniform appeared. She was Caucasian, and greatly resembled Emma Watson when she starred in _Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone_, only with longer and lightly curl platinum-blonde hair instead of impossibly unruly brown hair. Her witch hat augmented the resemblance. She looked at the students, making all of them tremble (those who weren't new to the school at least).

"OK, goons, you were chosen for the Student Security Corps, so you are now in charge of dealing with unruly students and external threats to them!" she declared. "As members of the Corps, you'll answer to me. For the babies who don't know me, I'm Evangeline Anastasia Kathrine McDowell, but you'll call me Madam, Ma'am or My Lady when I'm present. If I'm not present, you can call me Dark Evangeline, The Queen of Night, The Tidings of Evil, The Apostle of Destruction, The Visitation of Woe and other funny nicknames, but NOT Emma Watson Lookalike, NOR Hermione Granger Lookalike NOR Maga Nosferatu NOR something similar to these. If you do you'll quickly become my fresh meat reserve. Those of you in my own class will have the privilege of calling me by my surname, or first name, or Eva; but only during class; your choice. AM-I-CLEAR?!"

The most part of the newbies nodded in fear, something in her voice and her eyes warned that she was incredibly dangerous.

"HEY! WHY SHOULD I TAKE ORDERS FROM YOU?!" Obviously there was always someone who didn't get the message.

"Every single year there's one of them..." Evangeline complained to nobody. "Fine, try to take me down so I'll beat the crap out of you and your pals; and your bloody remains will be testament to the others why everyone should fear me."

A guy emerged from the crow and attacked with a very powerful flying kick. Just before he made contact, Evangeline moved her arm. The guy flew by Evangeline, breaking his nose against a column as he finally came to a stop; his kicking leg still in Evangeline's hand. The cruel girl casually tossed away the leg, and some magical nurse picked it with the guy and carried them away.

"Does someone else think that I can't order you around?" Evangeline asked. Nobody replied. "Good. Everybody dismissed. Everybody but Tatsumiya."

While everybody ran away, Mana gulped and went to talk to her new dreaded boss, silently cursing the moment when she decided to hide at Mahora.

"Yes, Ma'am?" Mana asked.

"Get a counselor," Evangeline ordered.

"What?"

"You're depressed and will neglect your training, I can tell with a glance. I could counsel you by myself, but I don't have the time. So, get counseling, I don't want a depressed weakling in the Corps."

"My greatest asset is my aim, and I'm totally unable to miss."

"So, shoot the headmaster's beard from here. Now!"

Mana pulled out her Hecate II, got a look with her Demon Eyes and shot against a building.

A few seconds after, Evangeline's cell rang with a diabolical laugh.

"What do you want?" Evangeline shouted into her cell phone. Then her face puzzled. "Really?! No need to worry. ... No need to worry, I was testing the aim of a newbie; Tatsumiya Mana! Is someone there wounded? ... Oh. Well, now we'll arrive."

"What's happened?" Mana asked with a smirk.

"You managed to cut the headmaster's beard, so I'll won't force you to get see counselor." Evangeline said. "But there're two wounded."

"Really?"

"The new P.E. teacher got hit in her buttcheek from a splinter when the bullet hit a wall near her. She believed that her fiancé pinched her so she punched him; hard."

"Oh."

"But try to get counseling, you need it. Also, sign up for the right club so that you'll train at least with your aim without worrying for the non-magical people. Maybe the Biathlon Club, the Military Club(7) or the Skeet Shooting Club."

"I joined the Biathlon Club. They have also a cute member."

"Your choice."

Having come to an agreement the two girls went to the main gymnasium, where the headmaster was getting ready to make his speech. Also, he announced that amongst the new professors they had acquired Tendo Akane, who went with Ranma. Mana smiled. Being able to see Ranma again was something that she could really look forward to being able to spend more time with one of the other Four Asaba. But another student frowned.

_"Why are they here? They should be at the other side of the country!"_ Qiao Ling-Cheng, the time-traveller, though. _"Maybe I should check that..."_

**Omake: Birth of a Monster (from a true history)**

1995, Cremona, Italian Republic.

"Can you repeat me why we are here, Kaworu?" Saotome Ranma asked.

"During job it's Merlin. And we are here to repay for an help." Kaworu A.K.A. Merlin replied. "A retired Guardia di Finanza(8) NCO discovered a supply of magical rounds for Puu but let it pass, and now he want something from us."

"Exactly what he want?" Ryoga asked.

"He has an irritable and mischievous grandson who needs some training in ability and mind." Mana answered. "I hope that he won't be too stupid and annoying, we are not even getting paid..."

"He's eight, he won't be too intelligent or annoying." Ranma declared.

"He lives here, in this street." Kaworu told them. "In the house that those kids are insulting calling 'lesbian' the inhabitants. Oh, the kids are going away, let's go."

**BANG!**

"What was that?!" Ryoga exclaimed.

"Relax, it was only a firework." Mana said.

At that point I, the grandson of the retired NCO appeared at a window with a toy carbine and shouted: "La prossima volta mirerò a voi!"

"OMMAMMA!!!" the kids exclaimed while escaping.

"What's happened?" Mana asked.

"Uh... The grandson of the NCO just used a firework and a toy carbine to scare away the offending kids..." Kaworu said. "He's intelligent..."

"And mischievous..."

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Ranma said.

1999, near Ankara, Republic of Turkey.

The Four of Asaba were reunited and hired by Tetrachordones Campanulae(9) for destroying a terrorist cell. For good, Tetracordones Campanulae hired the D-Team, a 7-men mercenary team from Italy leaded by me. Theorically it would be an easy mission. Well, did you know that Fate Averruncus was sorta cloned(10), was very difficult to kill and was involved? Between he, our numerical inferiority (we were 12, they were at least 200. I should ask DN about this, she normally keep the count) and the fact that Fate was always with some skilled people, we were having a very bad time.

In that moment Mana was shooting a pair of enemy mages when Fate, after absorbing a kick from D4 (I saw him destroy a skyscraper with a kick when he was eight, and during that mission at the time he was eleven) and trowing him away, attacked her at the back. Kaworu took the hit for her in his chest. Then I realized that we were about to be killed and attacked him with my strongest weapon. I obliterated a Fate Averruncus, and every enemy at the other side of him, with that, then, while my team took cover, DN tried to save Kaworu and everybody else was staring shocked, D6 and I used the machine guns to complete the work.

"What was that?" Kaworu asked just after DN admitted that she wasn't able to save him.

"A M29 launcher with a tactical shaped charge nuclear weapon based on the M-388 Davy Crockett." I replied. "Yes, I used an half-kiloton nuclear weapon as anti-personnel weapon. Now I have to understand how Fate Averruncus was alive and younger after being killed by the Thousand Master years ago..." Yeah, I know that Nagi Springfield didn't killed the first Fate but simply defeated him just before he was killed, but at the time I didn't know...

"Mana..." Kaworu called. "Live happy, live free, and protect the world from the monster we created..."

I prefer be called Angel of Death.

footnotes

(1)If you are a Ken Akamatsu fan, you'll recognize the name of the university that the majority of _Love Hina_ characters wanted to enroll. It's the premier university of Japan, and one of the best (if not THE best) in all Asia.

(2)I know, in the canon Ranma is an only child. But here he has a sister, never seen because she normally resides away from home. Ranma met her for the first time just after the failed marriage at the end of the manga (she arrived during the ruse, but waited outside until the fiancee brigade stopped). She idolizes her big brother for surviving their father, but greatly dislike their (in her own words) 'useless brain-damaging Panda dad' for being a jerk and is not exactly fond of Akane for attacking her brother with almost no reason. Personality wise, she is crazy almost like Kodachi and pervert like Happosai, but she knows it and is more controlled (she has rarely crazyness outburst and is not a peeper or a pantie thief).

(3)Mensa International is the oldest, largest and best known high-IQ society in the world, open to everybody who scored 132 or higher in the Stanford-Binet IQ test or 148 or higher in the Cattell test, I.E. the 2% of mankind with the highest IQ. Mensan know to me striked me for being a bit strange and often with a sick sense of humor (Alfred George Hinds, before enrolling Mensa, was arrested but broke out of three maximum-security prisons (humiliating and locking two jailers in a toiled during his second breaking out), obtained a full pardon, gained a lot of money from interviews and his biography after his third evasion and before being arrested again and, while still in prison, from his arresting officer with a lawsuit, and after being pardoned locked six kidnappers in the room they wanted to lock him in; Scott Adams is the comic artist who write and draw the infamous _Dilbert_, and if you know this comic you know that Adams is a cynic with a sense of humour sicker than mine), and as such in this fanfic I'll represent most Mensans as crazy in their own ways, while less flamboyant than Kodachi.

(4)If you look Mana Tatsumiya, you'll see that the only difference between her and Sailor Pluto (nicknamed Puu by Chibiusa) are the eyes (golden vs bloody red) and the hairstyle (bangs vs bun). For the rest, they could be twins. Ranma's, Ryoga and now late Mana's fiancee's nicknames follow the theme of famous fictional character similar to them: Ranma's name means 'wild horse' (I remember that in a fanfic a demon referred to him as 'The Wild Horse'), so he's linked to the stallion protagonist of _Fury_; Ryoga has a light tiger theme in his appearance, so he's linked to Sandokan, protagonist of various novels of Emilio Salgari and with a prominent tiger theme (he's nicknamed Tiger of Malaysia, his strenght is ofter paragonated to the one of a tiger and he was represented as able to fight a tiger with his bare hands, his flag show one or three tiger's heads on a red field, other); the late unnamed Mana's fiancee was a western-style mage, so he's linked to the most famous one.

(5)Asaba was a city near Mount Fuji in Shizuoka Prefecture. On April 1st, 2005, Asaba merged into the city of Fukuroi.

(6)The Shinmeiryuu, literally 'God's Cry School', is a Kyoto-based school of sword users in Ken Akamatsu works _Love Hina_ and _Negima! Magister Negi Magi_. It's members are literally one-man army, able to destroy big building and skyscraper-sized demons. The actual successor of the Shinmeiryuu is Aoyama Motoko, who studies law at the Todai. The Shinmeiryuu attack used here is Zanmaken (Evil Cutting Sword), an attack meant to kill demons.

(7)A school club in the Mahora. To this date, they're the craziest club in the entire crazy campus, having them went so far to aquire various fully functional military vehicles (amongst them a Mil Mi-24 helicopter gunship (Russians nicknamed it 'Flying Tank' for its firepower. Afghan Mujahideen, who faced it in combat, called it 'Satan's Chariot') and a M1 Abrams main battle tank), effectively breaking Japanese laws on self-defence forces. That's why Evangeline suggested it, nobody will note a member of the Military Club with a weapon.

(8)Literally 'Financial Guard', it's an Italian gendarmerie specialized in financial and economical services under the authority of Ministero dell'Economia e delle Finanze (Minister of Economy and Finances).

(9)Literally 'Four Tones Little Bells'. Mana talked about this magical non-governmental organization in the 86th Hour as an organization working to help people in need. Mana and her partner worked for Tetrachordones Campanulae until the death of Mana's partner, and traveled in Afghanistan, China, Middle East, Ulster and other war zones.

(10)Fate Averruncus, the archnemesis of Negi Springfield first appeared in the Kyoto Arc of _Negima!_, is in fact a clone. In a recent chapter he was shown alive and older 15-20 years before the series only to be killed by his own employer. Also, the real name of the actual Fate is revealed to be Tertium, 'the third' in Latin. He may be a sort of clone or puppet (Evangeline's guess).Bottom of Form


	2. Chapter 2

Second chapter of the story. And the first one with the help of Dreaming Fox as beta reader. And this time we'll see how Mana would look like in the series if she wasn't depressed until being hired by Qiao.

by lord Martiya

Firearms glossary

Desert Eagle: one of the most famous and iconic handguns in the world, and probably the archetypal semi-automatic handgun. Thanks to its rifle-like mechanisms, it can use heavy cartridges previously used only by revolvers like .50 AE, .357 Magnum, .41 Magnum, .44 Magnum and .440 Cor Bon. It can be easily modified for another chambering. In _Negima!_ Mana is shown using two soft-air Desert Eagles to shoot BB spellbreaker, tranquillizer and temporal displacement bullets, and, judging from her expired Pactio card, she had another magical pair as her Pactio artifact.

M40: a sniper rifle literally derived from the Remington 700, in the sense that every single M40 is a Remington 700 extensively modified by hand by gunsmiths at Quantico before being issued to the Marines. It's a bolt-action rifle chambered for 7.62 NATO rounds. Mana uses an air soft replica modified for semiautomatic fire, presumably a M40 version fabricated by Sun Project (Mana's one has a wooden stock, while later M40A1 and A3 versions have a fiberglass stock. Also, Sun Project is the only manufacturer in Japan that produces replicas with wooden stocks), to shoot 6mm BB spellbreaker bullets.

P228: a compact version of the SIG-Sauer P226, is a 9mm Parabellum chambered pistol used in US Military as M11, by Swedish Police and US Naval Criminal Investigation Service as standard sidearm and various law enforcement agencies around all the world, most notably the FBI. Production discontinued when the nearly identical P229, also from SIG-Sauer, was introduced with a 9mm model. Mana used a pair of these guns in the second anime series.

**CHAPTER 02: ENEMIES**

Looking over her new classmates Mana clearly was not exactly happy: the odd group was simply a promising mess. Finding her seat the sniper found herself surrounded by several seemingly normal girls; the apparently harmless koala-girl, the daughter of one of the many mage-professors, an athletic basketball fanatic, a member of the not-infamous-enough Club that supplied the campus with a steady stream of journalists, the even less-than-enough-infamous Jodansha(1), a totally depressed girl with apparently a good brain (in Mana's eyes, a very probable large-scale terrorist or serial killer), a Rei Ayanami lookalike who got followed by all sort of otaku, an apparently unknowing mermaid, a trio of crazy cheerleaders, a redhead that emanated a strange aura, a mage in training-apprentice nun (Mana and I are still wondering about her being a witch and affiliated with the magic-intolerant Catholic Church), a kung-fu girl who didn't spoke a word of Japanese, the headmaster's granddaughter with all her freaking magical potential, a strangely familiar girl who was drawing a pornographic manga DURING CLASS, a Shinmeiryuu member, a sort of rhythmic gymnastic fanatic (what a shame that Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastic was banned by school competitions, it was interesting), the new owner of the magical multinational ACME Corporation(2), a large-breasted kunoichi, a psycho with her soon-broken roommate, the Weasley Twins in female form, a mad scientist, a sociopath, a girl who lived of books in the books and for books like D1 (I admit, I'm totally insane, and every book-loving people is insane like me, only in different manners), the classy and martial-arts fanatic daughter of one of the richest man in the world, and, she could not tell who was worse, Zazie and Evangeline(3). With all of that, Mana was wondering about what gods she offended. Judging from the simultaneous presence of several signs of her past exploits and adventures she'd have to say at least two or three pantheons were still upset with her given that she had been assigned to be in the same class as THE Evangeline.

Her first class/period had proven that point as she had thrown the class anime/manga otaku out the window after said otaku had tried to jump on the Ayanami-lookalike. Leaving the class with the kung-fu girl known as Ku Fei, the kunoichi Nagase Kaede, and the Shinmeiryuu swords girl Sakurazaki Setsuna; the quartet now belonging to the Student Security Corps, the unfortunate manga-ka approached her.

"Tatsumiya-san, Nagase-san, can I talk with you?" she asked.

Mana nodded.

"Yes, Saotome-chan," Kaede replied.

Hearing the girl's surname realization struck the mercenary – she'd just thrown Ranma's little sister out of the window. Feeling a slight shiver creeping down her spine she forced herself to smile politely. _If she's even half of what Ranma's told me about her then she's just as crazy as D1 is, well, probably more since she's related to Ranma. Well, he did used that half-kiloton atomic bomb as an anti-personnel weapon, so maybe he's still the second most insane person in the world_._.. I won't survive another one!_

Shrugging off her thoughts she and Kaede followed the smaller girl to a secluded place. Checking the area the mercenary knew that no one would be able to overhear what their conversation unless they actively sought them out.

Donning a serious look, the smaller girl eyed the pair. "I will pay you everything you want to kill Tendo Akane," Haruna stated.

Mana waited for the ninja girl to take in the younger Saotome's request.

"Hey, isn't a bit too early for killing a teacher?" Kaede joked, believing that Haruna was doing the same.

"I'm deadly serious."

"Why?" Mana asked. "I suppose there's a reason for wanting her death..."

"Obviously: that uncute sex appeal-less tomboyish psychotic excuse for a woman is going to bring about my brother's untimely death."

"We probably should report you, you know," Evangeline said, somehow having managed to sneak behind Haruna. "But please, continue, if you manage to propose your request in the right way we won't report you. After all, I'm supposed to report also insults against Nitta-sensei, but I never did..."

"You-you... The Puppetmaster... Visitation of Woe..."

"Another scared rabbit..."

"PLEASE, SIGN THIS!!!" Pulling out a photo of Evangeline the younger Saotome managed to surprise the vampire.

"You're a fan?" Evangeline asked, completely surprised. "A fan of ME?!?!?!"

"Your feats at fighting and torturing rapists in the campus are legendary!" Haruna explained, shocking Mana and Kaede. "They say that you're a vampire, but I don't believe! And if even you are, who cares, you're a legend! The best! The-"

"Cut it out, I sign, I sign!" Mana did her best to hide a smirk, sure that if the vampire could blush she would have as the vampire signed the picture.

"So why do you want them to eliminate the new P.E. Instructor?" Eva asked, handing back the autographed picture.

"Well, she's engaged to my brother because our parents want to unite their branches of the Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu..." she began, but Kaede interrupted her.

"Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu as in the Anything Goes Martial Arts?!?!?!" the normally calm ninja exclaimed. "Does it really exist?!?!?!"

"Well, yes... However, her useless smoking-pot father and our useless brain-damaging panda dad wanted to unite their branches of the school, so they engaged them against their will," Haruna explained. "Somehow, my brother managed to fall in love with Akane, despite the fact that she can't cook, is uncute, and always attacks him whenever he accidentally walks in on her in the bathroom, and she calls him a pervert. It's not his fault that other girls are attracted to him and some of them even have good claims to support their supposed engagements. Still, she tries to beat him up whenever those girls come around."

"That is annoying, but doesn't justify a murder," Kaede stated.

"If it was only for that... But my brother repeatedly risked everything to protect her, even having his first kiss stolen by a kiss maniac, and you know what she did? She tried to beat him up!!! And after the Fiancée Brigade crushed their marriage, she began to going psycho!"

"I won't report you nor am I going to kill Tendo-san," the vampire stated, "at least not yet. But I'll keep an eye her."

Satisfied that the younger Saotome would settle for that Evangeline phasing as she did not want to be late to the Tea Ceremony Club.

"Sorry, but I'm still a genin, not a chunin (4), and I can't accept a job," Kaede explained.

"Ranma is in love with her, so she must have some redeeming qualities," Mana shrugged. "Also, her death would break Ranma's heart, and I'm not sure if you're simply jealous. So I won't kill her, for the moment."

"But..." Haruna said, only to be cut off.

"It's final." Mana declared. "Nagase has rules to follow, and I have personal reasons. But if she crosses the line..."

Mana stared at Haruna, and then licked her lips while showing two Desert Eagles.

"... I'll show her the business end of the real pair. Or the Pactio pair, if I ever get those back. In either case, she won't be facing these air-gun versions," Mana finished with a maniacal laugh.

"Wow, that laugh really made you appear to be crazy! Can you teach me that laugh?" Kaede asked.

"No." Mana went away, pissed off because someone that was not a true psycho managed to recognize her maniacal laugh was fake.

Later that day, Mana was returning from applying to the Biathlon Club. The club faculty sponsor, professor Gandolfini (5), was at first skeptical about her ability as a skier and shooter, but quickly became a believer after she demonstrated her skills as a good skier and as a shooter as she shot his belt with a ricocheting spellbreaker (6) bullet from her new M40. Her skills and her looks attracted the attention of many of the male half of the club, most notably a Serizawa guy that really creped her because he completely resembled Kaworu (7). She also tried to exorcise Serizawa before noting that he didn't have the same scar.

"A PERVERTED WEIRDO!"

Mana ran in direction of the scream, ready to punish the pervert. Granted, she normally had nothing against perverts (being one of the biggest pervert in the world herself), but when a pervert molested someone, he deserved only castration or that curse that Kaworu was working on that prevented them from having orgasms. With the curse unfinished, she prepared her reserve P228s to castrate the molester and arrived in place. Where she saw Akane with an empty bucket and a sadistic grin, Hasegawa Chisame screaming and pointing the strange pair (which happened to consist of Ranma in his girl form running in a circle with a white cat on his, er, her head, and Asakura Kazumi taking photos of the entire scene).

"What's going on?" Mana asked to Kazumi.

"Well, a Chinese girl with a bike appeared from nowhere and glomped the pigtailed guy that was with Tendo-sensei. Then Tendo-sensei produced a bucket full of water and poured it on him, and then the pigtailed guy morphed in a pigtailed girl and the Chinese girl turned into a cat. That's when Hasegawa began to scream," Kazumi explained.

Mana looked Kazumi, clearly astonished at how well the class reporter was taking the situation. Shaking her head she pointed both of her guns at Akane. "Give them the hot water, I know you have it."

"Why should I do?" Akane replied defiantly.

**KER-POW!**

"You have five seconds; then I'll kill you and find the water myself," Mana answered. Having grazed Akane's head with a bullet, the mercenary knew she'd made her point.

Scared, Akane produced a thermos of hot water and poured it onto Ranma and the cat-form of Shampoo, causing them to revert to their normal forms and prompting another scream of "PERVERT WEIRDO!" from Chisame.

"Why are you shouting 'pervert weirdo'?" Mana asked.

"Look, that pigtailed guy just changed into a girl and then back into a guy! And that woman did the same except she turned into a cat and now is nak- Wait a second..." Chisame replied. Then she realized what she just said. "I'm hallucinating."

Chisame went in the sick-room, convinced that she was hallucinating.

"Tendo Akane, explain your behavior." Mana ordered, reinforcing the order with her pistol.

"Ra-Ranma made her glomp him..." Akane replied.

**SLAP!**

Due to the fact that Mana uses guns, most people make the incorrect assumption that she's physically weak. Not many enemies survived after having made that fatal mistake as most humans cannot live with their heads crunched and demons were incapacitated long enough to be shot at death if not punched and kicked to death outright.

Akane learned that lesson as she was slapped violently, the force of which nearly snapped her neck while also knocking her off balance. Surprised by the sudden attack the youngest Tendo daughter could do nothing to stop her fall, if not for Mana quickly grabbing hold of her neck and lifting her up, Akane was sure that she'd have hit the pavement hard, very hard.

"So, you are attacking Ranma because other women find him attractive?" Mana asked. "What a pity, I really didn't want to believe them when they tried to hire me to kill, so of course I refused them. But maybe they'll try and hire me again... Or maybe I should make this one a free-be; what do you think?"

Akane was sweating, unable to fight back or even talk because Mana's hand was strangling her.

"Mana, stop! You're killing her!" Ranma screamed.

"As you wish," Mana relented, letting go of Akane so that the psychotic P.E. teacher would land on her butt.

"Thanks... But did someone really try and hire you to kill Akane?" the martial artist asked.

"Three times from three different people, the last of those this morning," the mercenary replied. "Tendo Akane, this time I'll spare you, but from now you'll behave or you'll see me really angry. The same for you, kitty."

"What?" Shampoo asked.

"You'll stop your foolish behavior or I'll kill you."

"Shampoo no take order from weak Japanese woman!" the Amazon declared. Shampoo mysteriously produced her bonbori (8), moving to attack the strange dark skinned girl, only to be knocked out with a single punch in her belly.

"Good show, but I'm not sure that this was a smart move," a voice said to the accompaniment of the song _Snoopy Vs the Red Baron_(9).

The voice came from a Caucasian boy with short brown hair and dressed with a black zipped gakuran (10) with red stripes on the pants and a silver 1 on each side of the zipper on the neck, black knee-length boots, a leather belt, a black trench coat, a black peaked cap with a silver capital D, sunglasses and white gloves. He was with a beautiful girl with a brown ponytail dressed in a sleeveless shirt with a folded collar, miniskirt, elbow-length gloves, knee-length boots, sunglasses and metallic mesh on her legs and arms, all in black safe for the two silver capital N's on her collar. They were me, D1 the Magnificent, and the divine DN the Counselor.

"What are you doing here?" Ranma asked, not surprised by our masked presence.

"A girl called Qiao Ling-Cheng asked us to hunt and kill a wolf, a ram and a hart and cut nine black thorns to form a circle. Now we are here to collect our cash." DN replied, scaring him and Mana for our recent work (if you understood who we killed you'll understand why they were scared).

"Why is beating up Shampoo not a smart move?" Mana asked.

"She's from Nujiézú (11) tribe, and you're a woman who bested her," I replied. "Her tribal law requires that she marry a man stronger than herself to have strong children, but if she's defeated by a foreign woman she's required to give her the Kiss of Death, hunt her down to the end of Earth, and I mean literally, and kill her. You gained an enemy that will stop at nothing at killing you. I would suggest you kill her while she's unconscious."

"I know how to deal with her," Mana replied.

"Let's see..." I smirked, watching as Shampoo slowly regained consciousness.

When Shampoo recovered, she saw Mana and tried to give her the Kiss of Death. Fully expecting this, Mana pulled the Amazon to her, kissing her passionately while grabbing Shampoo's breast and placing her hand between her legs. When Mana released her, Shampoo ran away screaming in terror. I laughed a lot...

"Amateur..." Mana commented.

"But... How..." Ranma said.

"Cultural shock, in a certain sense," I explained. "She's culturally conditioned to be terrified from lesbians, so when apparently faced by one that was a lot stronger than she was she was totally terrified. She even soiled herself, before screaming and running away still naked."

"Let's stop to laugh and go collect our cash!" DN said before we walked away singing _The Return of the Red Baron_ (12).

"Tendo Akane, you shall behave yourself," Mana said. "And by behave I mean that you won't hurt Ranma outside sparring or unless you catch him peeping or molesting other women or girls. You won't hurt him if he is molested by the Fiancé Brigade, but you can hurt the Brigade. In any case, you shall not use Ranma's fear of cats against him. Fail and I will have to decide between shooting you or using the Bloodstone Vengeance Spell."

Seeing that she'd made her point, Mana walked away, still furious at the P.E. instructor.

Meanwhile, DN and I reached headed for our meeting with Qiao. That was near the Tatsumiya Shrine with a Chachamaru prototype facing a bigger, meaner and vibroblade-equipped version of Sir Killalot of _Robot Wars_ (13) fame controlled by Hakase Satomi. And with professor Takahata Takamichi acting as referee and Evangeline watching (she is a fan of _Robot Wars_) along some other people.

"Begin!" Takahata ordered.

**BOOM! CRASH!!!**

"A rail gun (14)?!" Hakase exclaimed after the explosion of her robot.

"I had problems in powering beam weapons." Qiao replied.

"Oh. I understand. TEACH ME!!!"

Most people sweat dropped, but Evangeline clapped and neared them.

"Qiao, I heard you cornered the market with your highly advanced technology, but your robot was much weaker than I had expected," Evangeline remarked.

"There'd be no market for humanoid robots, so I can't use my full resources," Qiao replied. "I'm planning for expanding my personal fortune with it, but that will take some time."

"What if I found it?"

"Interesting..."

"Most interesting... Can I join?" Hakase asked.

"I have no problem with that," Evangeline replied.

"Er... Can we have our cash?" I asked showing the head of the Wolf.

"Sure!" Qiao replied handing us our money, while Evangeline was busy organizing a party to celebrate that hit (I'll explain why later; maybe).

Accepting our payment we quickly departed, not wanting to get tangled up in more then we had initially signed up for.

"Good... This time I won't fail... I even located her, so the power generator won't be a problem... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!" Qiao cackled.

"Excuse me, Qiao, but what you won't fail at?" Takahata asked.

"Did I say it loud?"

"Well, I believe that someone at the other side of the campus didn't hear you," Evangeline replied.

"Oh, well, I won't fail at taking over the world at the head of the Martian Invasion Army," Qiao explained.

"What?" Takahata asked.

"You know, I'm an alien from Mars..."

Takahata decided that clearly she was only joking (seriously, who could believe such an outrageous claim?) and walked away, shaking his head at the girl's strange sense of humor.

**Eliminated scene: Other Mercenary**

"Ranma is in love with her, so she must have some qualities," Mana replied. "Also, her death would break Ranma's heart, and I'm not sure if you're simply jealous. So I won't kill her, for the moment."

"OK, I'll search someone else..." Haruna replied.

Later that day, the Fiancé Brigade was fighting with Akane over Ranma, when a man in armor arrived.

"Excuse me, would you happen to be Akane Tendo, Shampoo, Kodachi Kuno and Ukyo Kuonji?" he asked.

"We are! Who are you?" Akane replied.

"Jango Fett."

**ZA-ZAPP!**

**ZA-ZAPP!**

**ZA-ZAPP!**

**ZA-ZAPP!**

"Good work, Jango." Haruna said looking at the bodies.

**Eliminated scene: Framing**

"Ranma is in love with her, so she must have some qualities" Mana replied. "Also, her death would break Ranma's heart, and I'm not sure if you're simply jealous. So I won't kill her, for the moment."

"Well, in this case I'll have to use my last resource." Haruna replied.

Later that day, the Fiancé Brigade was fighting with Akane over Ranma, when Chisame passed running and screaming "Weirdo invasion!"

"What is she saying?" Ukyo asked.

Then, the four saw Haruna marching with a little army of white-clad armored men.

"Commander Bow, they're the Jedis." Haruna said pointing at the Fiancé Brigade plus Akane.

"The Empire is in debt with you, young woman." an armored man replied. "501st Legion, FIRE AT WILL!"

For the Vader's Fist truly did exist, just not as messy or overdone as expected as it killed without all that fuss. Especially if the targets were believed Jedi. Still, I don't understand why they used over ten thousand blasters against four Jedi...

footnotes

(1)If you read the old but still crazy manga _Haikarasan ga Toru_, also known as _Smart-san_ and _Mademoiselle Ann_, you'll know that the Jodansha is a small and completely insane publisher in Tokyo. In the years from 1919 to 1923, when the manga is set, its members are the founder and owner Aoe Tosei, a man so misogynist to be initially allergic to women (when touched by a woman a really bad urticaria manifested, and he needed an exorcism), the protagonist Hanamura Benio, a totally masculine woman who was the fiancée of an apparently dead officer and the boss of a yakuza member she bested early in the manga and who cured Aoe of his allergy, the mighty Fukurokoji Tsumeko, a sort of giant and rude woman (allegedly, even if Aoe openly doubted she was a woman or even a human being) in love with Aoe, and a trio of sadistic unnamed journalist-editors who somehow managed to not be driven insane by their colleagues (they were apparently insane even before meeting Benio).

(2)Sorry, I didn't resist.

(3)I didn't mentioned Sayo because in this part the narrator narrated from Mana point of view, and Mana didn't knew of Sayo until later in the story, and I didn't mentioned Chachamaru because she's not even in the design phase at this point.

(4)During the Kyoto Arc, Kaede was a chunin. But we are still two years before. Also, in real world ninja ranks are different from the ones in _Naruto_: while ninja clans from the former Iga and Koga provinces used these three ranks, in their clans a genin was the field agent, the chunin the intermediary between the clan and the employer and the Junín was the leader of the clan, sometimes called shinobigashira (head ninja).

(5)The only Mahora mage seen using a gun besides Negi's magical guns. During the Mars VS Mages battle he managed to shoot down a temporal displacement bullet in flight.

(6)The most common bullet used by Mana, is a bullet enchanted to penetrate magical barriers, damage demons and exorcising ghosts.

(7)He has a crush on her, and Mana apparently shares the feeling. He tried to confess her, but chose the worst place and moment, the World Tree Plaza while Mana was looking for confessions to stop with tranquillizer bullets, and was shot in his forehead before confessing. From that moment, Negi, who was present, is completely scared by Mana.

(8)The bonbori or chui is a Chinese weapon consisting of a large, solid metal ball on the end of a medium-long handle. It needs high strength to be used, and the fact that Shampoo can use one in each hand is rather impressive.

(9)A 1966 song by the rock band The Royal Guardsmen dedicated to the famous dog Snoopy from the comic strip _Peanuts_ and his feud with the Red Baron. It was released four weeks after the first strip with Snoopy fighting the Red Baron.

(10)The Japanese school uniform for males. Normally it has buttons.

(11)The name of Shampoo tribe in Mandarin. D1 will never use the Japanese translation Joketsuzoku or something like that.

(12)A 1967 song by The Royal Guardsmen, it's the follow-up to _Snoopy VS the Red Baron_.

(13)If you don't know _Robot Wars_, as could happen to the younger Italian readers (they broadcasted the series only for a short while), I'll explain: it all began in US as a fighting tournament between home-made robots, then BBC produced and broadcasted a TV series based on the concept from 1997 to 2002. In the TV version were added the House Robots, robots controlled by the staff as mean of added destruction and Sir Killalot is the unofficial and undefeated leader of the House Robots, weighting 520 kg.

(14)This kind of weapon accelerate a projectile with two electromagnetic rails (hence the name) to speeds so high (mach 10 or more) to don't even need an explosive warhead. This weapon is heavily featured in modern science fiction (most notably the anime series _Macross_, where both the titular ship and at least a kind of battle robot, the Destroid Monster, are armed with rail guns, and the television series _Stargate SG-1_, _Stargate Atlantis_ and _Babylon 5_, where rail guns are a mainstay of Terran space weaponry) alongside the similar coil guns (featured in the various _Gundam_ series as the main projectile weapon of the mobile suits, to tell one) and are technologically realizable, but today there're various limitations in materials, energy supply and heat dissipation that block their adoption. I considered using beam weaponry here, but the manga showed us that still during the Legendary Mahora KO Tournament Hakase and Qiao had problems in powering Tanaka robot's beam guns without using magic.


	3. Chapter 3

If Chisame hates you, there's always a good reason. And a good knife. Ah, I want to warn you that the first omake won't be very funny.

by lord Martiya

Firearms glossary

PGM Hecate II: as I said in a previous chapter, it's the standard anti-materiel rifle of the French army. In normal condition, a qualified sniper can shoot a human-sized target at over 1800 m with it.

Browning machine gun, cal. . . .50, M2, HB, Flexible: also known as M2, Ma Deuce and 'fifty-cal', it's the standard heavy machine gun of US Army and various other armies in the world. It's in service from 1921 (1933 in the current Heavy Barrel version). It shoots .50 BMG (12.7 x 99mm NATO) rounds, designed for this weapon. In Vietnam the famous sniper Carlos Hathcock used a M2 machine gun in single shot setting and fitted with a scope to score a kill at 2250 m (world record until 2002, when Aaron Perry broke this record and Rob Furlong broke Perry's, both of them with a dedicated sniper rifle). This last use was previously made by other snipers in the Korean War, but it was Hathcock kill that resurrected the old anti-tank rifle as anti-materiel rifle and long range sniper weapon.

Raytheon/Lookheed Martin FGM-148 Javelin: 127 mm antitank missile with relative reusable launcher in service in the US Army. It has a very accurate infrared seeker and an 8.4 kg tandem shaped charge HEAT warhead, and proved devastating against Iraqi tanks in 2003. I chose this missile as homage to _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ and the wonderful faces of Angelus and Drusilla when they realized that their demon invulnerable to forged weapon could be easily dismembered by a missile (as happened a few seconds later).

Merkava: the main battle tank of the Israel Defense Force. It's a powerful and balanced design, with good speed, rideciouly powerful weaponry (one 120-cal gun, 1 12.7-cal machine gun, 2 7.62-cal machine guns and even a 60-cal mortar!) and one of the best composite armor in the world. How Mahora Military Club acquired a Merkava IV in 2000, while it was still in development (officially announced in 1999) and three years before the introduction in service, is something that only God and Qiao knows.

NSV: a 12.7x108 mm heavy machine gun of Soviet origin. To this date, it's manufactured in Kazakhstan. In Russian service is being phased out in favor of the newer Kord of the same caliber (that's why on the black market in 2000 was cheaper than the M2, in this fanfic).

**CHAPTER 03: FIRST LESSON**

That day Akane had her first lesson with the 1-A. According to her fellow professor Takahata, the class was 'quite energetic' even for Mahora's standards. So, because the Military Club had weaponry from the entire world and all times and was considered normal, she needed to expect everything like she was back in Nerima. And she just had her first surprise.

"McDowell, what's this?!" she exclaimed in pure shock.

The vampire yawned, then replied.

"Look, that's a permission slip for me to sit out of Physical Education for medical reasons." Eva explained.

"BULLSHIT! YOU'RE THE HEAD OF THE STUDENT SECURITY CORPS!" Akane shouted.

Ranma, who was there to prevent Akane from doing stupid things, had been about to intervene when the tiny blond spoke up.

"Are saying that the Headmaster is full of shit?" Evangeline asked, pointing the signature on her permission. "You know, I can see why you would say that he's full of shit, and he can be pretty dumb and even a bit manipulative… "

"But... How is it that you're in the Corps?" Akane asked.

"I have brains, and I can defend myself," Eva explained. "Why not see for yourself - Punch me."

Akane, dumbfounded, tried to do just that but ended up hitting her own chin and knocking herself out.

"You used a barrier to slow her down(1) and counterattacked," Ranma stated.

"Well it's a lot easier and less tiring than made herself KO without the barrier. I could probably even strip her without any problems, but it wouldn't be a nice show for our resident lesbians." Evangeline replied, making all of the resident lesbians wonder how Evangeline discovered them. And being discovered for real (Evangeline wanted some blackmailing material, and in those days Japanese people still had that motherfucking Western-induced prejudice).

"Ouch..." Akane groaned recovering.

"TWO HUNDREDS ON THE CLASS REP!"

"THREE HUNDREDS ON ASUNA!"

"What's happening?" Akane asked as she sat up, not sure what she'd missed while out.

"The class rep and the baka red(2) began arguing about McDowell being better than the class rep in Aiki-Jujitsu(3) or practicing a different martial art(4). It didn't take them long for the argument to escalate into a physical confrontation with some pushing and shoving, but then it got really physical and as you can see, they're throwing some mean kicks and punches. Once that started the others started putting down bets on them," Ayase Yue explained.

Frustrated, Akane punched the ground. Or, better, the roof, as the class had been sent there for their P.E. class. With the ground beneath them sundered the class found themselves on the floor of the ground beneath the roof. Slowly recovering they were startled to see their classmate Mana near a window and armed with her Hecate II rifle, a M2 machine gun and a pair of Javelin missiles.

"TATSUMIYA! YOU ARE LATE!" Akane shouted as she once again got to her feet. Given the situation the hot-headed P.E. instructor was glad to have an excuse to punish the mercenary.

"HEY! PUU-SAMA IS THERE!"

"Oh, shit..." Mana said.

After that Mana shot her Javelins at a crowd that was marching to the building.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" Ranma exclaimed.

"I just shot our fan-boys with paralyzing-gas fitted missiles, no killing. Why?" Mana replied.

"Wait, fan-boys? Ours?!"

"The Military Club: they recognized us and wanted me in their club(5). How they managed to acquire that Merkava IV some of them used to chase me, only God knows..."

Chisame was crying.

"First the Goth with a weak body and some impossible fighting trick, then the bets, now this! WHAT ELSE, KAMI?!" Akane screamed.

The response from Shinto's gods was immediate.

"Fear not, my love! Your protector is here!" Kuno declared, appearing near the only calm students.

"What are you doing here?" Ranma asked.

"Fool! Did you believe that I won't find you?! Tendo Nabiki decided to help me in saving her sister, and for a symbolic fee of two millions yen she revealed your hiding place! Now I shall slay thou and save the cute and defenseless Tendo Akane..."

"DEFENCELESS?!?!?! ARE YOU IDIOT?!?!?!" Chisame screamed.

"He is," the Saotome siblings, Mana and Akane all replied.

"... and the lovely Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno said, refusing to acknowledge the interruption. "That's the word of the great samurai Kuno TAAAAAARGH!!! MY EYES!!! SAOTOME RANMA!!! YOUR BLACK MAGIC WON'T STOP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

When she heard Kuno's name, Chisame panicked and used some pepper spray on him, before recovering enough calm to throw him out of the window and hitting him with pieces of the roof. Then she grabbed Mana's machine gun and tried to shoot Kuno before being restrained by the dark skinned gunner.

"What are you doing?!" Akane exclaimed.

"I'm finishing the job," Chisame replied. "My people and I castrated his father, and I won't let him reproduce and spread his annoyingness."

"Well, that's a reasonable reaction..." Ranma shrugged.

"Yeah, unfortunately, we can't let her do it. OK, students, for today P.E. classes are canceled," Akane declared.

The Roman soldiers that exterminated the Alamanni's berserkers at Strasbourg(6) were less ferocious than the class 1-A when they ran over Akane on their way to lunch.

"What I have done to be punished like this?" Akane growled. "And why did Nabiki tell Kuno where find us?"

"So, Tendo Nabiki, you're sure my brother will be out of commission for at least a week?" Kodachi asked.

"At least two weeks, but if you're lucky maybe he'll even die," Nabiki replied. "Mahora campus is a dangerous place, if you attack someone..."

"That's your payment," Kodachi declared giving Nabiki a gold brick. "If he'll really does die, you'll receive that bonus."

"In that case, the decorations from His Imperial Majesty will be enough."

"So, I was used," Chisame said.

"Apparently," Yue confirmed.

Three days after Kuno's visit at the Mahora and his eventual admission in the intensive care ward of the St. Luke's International Hospital, Chisame learned from the Tokyo Shimbun that, while the notorious philanthropist Kuno Tatewaki recovered from the brutal attempted assassination by the United Islamic Front for the Salvation of Afghanistan(7) (it's still debated why Kuno offended them, the Taliban's, Al-Qaeda, Hamas, Israel, the Irish Republican Army, the British intelligence services, the ETA(8), Spain, France, the PKK(9) and Turkey in that manner, back in 1998), his sister assumed the lead of the Kuno Industries and signing remunerative contracts that Kuno refused for being too un-Japanese. What the newspaper didn't tell was that this time the United Islamic Front and the other organizations were innocent (they knew too well to operate in Mahora campus) and that Kodachi was taking control of the company. Sadly, Kuno would recover too early for Kodachi assuming complete and undisputed control, but this at the time wasn't known.

"Fellow class women, can you give me your attention?" Ayaka asked from her post as class rep. When her companions were all looking at her, she asked: "Where are McDowell and Tatsumiya?"

Evangeline entered the class transporting a blushing and sweating Mana.

"What were you doing?" Ayaka asked.

"I was forcing a book author to not trash my alter ego in her stories, and Tatsumiya was restraining herself from having sex with Tendo-sensei's boyfriend," Evangeline replied.

"Better than the other me would ever hope..." Qiao commented.

"Whatever - everybody to your desk," Ayaka ordered, not wanting to know more about these statements. "Fellow class women, we are here to establish our class' destination in this year school trip. The propositions are Honolulu in the State of the Hawaii..."

"THE OCCUPIED KE AUPUNI O HAWA'I(10), you mean," Chisame corrected.

"What?"

"Continue - I don't have time to give a lesson of Hawaiian history. What are the other options?"

"The classical Kyoto and Nara and Cremona i-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!!!"

"McDowell?"

"Reaction to the local garlic-based salami, I had a horrible experience. My sister still mocks me for that... Go on."

After a speech from Qiao and confirmation about the good food from Mana, the class voted to go at Cremona. Qiao even offered to find a place for the entire class to stay, and the class accepted.

Transcript of a radio conversation -

"Good morning, this is Lobo. I offer magical weaponry and contact with black ops agents. How can I help you?"

"The name's Nishizawa Rei, assistant to Qiao Ling-Cheng. I'm searching for a place where 30 middle school girls and 3 professors can sleep for a week in Cremona."

"Preferences?"

"Good food, economic and... Well, the place has to be High Vampire-proof, or hated enough that nobody will care if it's destroyed."

"I'll ask a friend of mine in Cremona, recall me later."

"OK."

Transcript of another radio conversation -

"Good morning, this is Lobo. I offer magical weaponry and contact with black ops agents. How can I help you?"

"That's Nishizawa, again."

"D1 the Magnificent found a place in the local seminary. It's for free, they'll try and use you for advertising their annexed high school. Damage and outright destruction are encouraged."

"We'll take this. How much?"

"For having a pretest to unleash all of those mad girls on a seminary? **I** should pay you!"

"That's for free. Have a nice day."

**Omake: 'Ohana(11) means family, but you're not ohana**

Lihu'e(12), on Kaua'i(12) island, 1993.

"Hi, people! I know you'll be sorry, but I have to return to Japan tomorrow!" Principal Kuno announced standing on a wall.

The people of the island cheered, with somebody even starting fireworks.

"YES!!! MILU(13) DROVE AWAY THE MONSTER!!!" the Chisame cheered, with her father clapping.

"Before that, I want to talk with you about my family and my students!" Principal Kuno told them.

The tale of Principal Kuno was so disgusting that various people vomited. One of them was Chisame's father, who was even suffocated by his own vomit.

Chisame's shriek would incite the mob in a lynch... Principal Kuno would survive, thanks to the US Army intervention just before he was sacrificed to Chisame's father hawk 'aumakua(14), but had his testicles crushed and was forced to stay in Lihu'e's hospital for many months, delaying his attempt for hair regulation at Furinkan long enough to have Ranma Saotome as a student.

Chisame was left with her late mother's sister and her two sons.

Lihu'e, 1995.

"So, is the twerp subdued?" Chisame's aunt asked.

"Yes, mother." the oldest son, Ichiro, replied. "Mother, may I know why we are letting her live with us? She has a good potential, but we even had her oblivious of magic, and is such a fuss..."

"Idiot. Do you remember who are her foreign ancestors? She has wealth and influence over this people. Marrying Kaumuali'i was the only good thing my foolish sister did in her lif-"

**BANG!**

The door of the house was broken, and the house was swarmed by a Marine company in full combat gear led by Chisame. Chisame's aunt managed to escape, but Ichiro was killed by the Marines.

"Shit... I was wishing so much having them on the electric chair..." Chisame commented when she discovered.

In that moment, while the Marines became wary of the little girl, the phone rang, and Chisame talked in the phone.

"Hello, auntie." she said. "Yes, I denounced you. Yes, Jiro will be tried and executed. Yes, I know that there's not death penalty here, but international terrorism, murder of military personnel and conspirancy are federal and military offences, and the Marines ordered an electric chair from Virginia for him. Yes, I know, 'ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten, but you're not 'ohana. No, you'll never kill me, I will the one who'll see the corpse of the other. Have a nice day."

Chisame closed the communication, then asked the Marines: "Where's the g-man for the Witness Protection Program? I suppose I should also change surname. What about Hasegawa?"

The Department of Justice had Chisame counseled for a while before having her relocated where her psycho tendencies would be controlled if resurfaced. The Department never though that Chisame matured a great dislike for weirdoes like her two cousins, or else they would never have enrolled her at the Mahora...

**Omake: The Mage-Who-Pissed-Off-Evangeline-and-Lived**

Aberfeldy, Scotland.

In a bunker a woman was talking with a little girl extremely looking-alike Evangeline.

"Joanne, can you repeat? I heard you tell that you developed my character to piss off the Dark Evangel, but I obviously misheard." the girl said.

"I wrote her to piss off the Dark Evangel." the woman, Joanne, replied. Then, looking at the girl's face, explained: "Look, she's more similar to Evangeline than me, and that vampire was happy to be her origin, but her development and love life will be something that Evangeline would never do. She would suicide before that."

The bunker was shook by something.

"Don't worry, Evangeline have somebody attack me at least once a month, and they always failed. Just wait until the tremors cease." Joanne said.

"O-Ok. But why? Why are you pissing her off?" the girl asked.

"She had my first marriage fail revealing Jorge that I was a mage. That's my revenge. And I found the perfect mean to live this: I revealed her that I'll trash her character and how I'll do that from the fifth book, then I dared her to use the resources she has at hand to bring me before her, and I won't trash her character. And she can't even hire the Shinmei because they have no commercial representative where she is blocked and she can't use computers! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Oh, good, the tremors stopped."

"Oh. Good. Excuse me, but now I should return home..."

"No problem, Emma."

Joanne escorted Emma, the little girl, at the door, and opened it.

"Joanne Kathleen Rowling, I demand that Hermione Granger won't be trashed." Evangeline said while entering the bunker.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! DARK EVANGEL!!!" Emma shouted before fainting.

"Tsk tsk tsk... The little Emma Watson needed some yoga exercise before acting my alter ego Hermione(15)..."

"She's grown up in your myth and I just told her about our little dispute." Joanne, or J.K. Rowling if you prefer, replied. "OK, you won, I won't trash Hermione nor I'll pair her with Ron. But... How?"

"They live at Mahora, now."

Evangeline pointed Mana and Ranma, who were blushing looking each other. Ranma had even a visible hard-on.

"They contacted Sandokan and helped him to bring you here with your bunker." Evangeline concluded. "He went away before you opened the door."

"Why are they sexually excited?" J.K. Rowling asked.

"When in mortal danger, humans are often sexually excited and have an almost unstoppable impulse to reproduce, and your bunker had a ridiculous amount of automated machine guns."

"That's why she made up with Merlin on the battlefield after the difficult battles!"

"Yes. May I ask why did you chose the NSV?"

"They are cheaper than the M2..."

"COME ON! DO YOU WANNA STARE EACH OTHER ALL THE DAY?!?!?! HAVE SEX AND PUNISH AKANE FOR HER IDIOCY!" Nabiki shouted from the roof of the bunker.

"I'd second that, but we have a class council now." Evangeline added, making Mana blush even more and Ranma fainting.

footnotes

(1)Evangeline has always a barrier around herself, and Chachamaru once commented that Asuna, with her magic-cancelling ability, is the only people able to engage Evangeline hand-to-hand. This is my personal guess at how she use her barrier, coming from Evangeline's behavior against Asuna and her performance against Setsuna.

(2)For now, this will be only Asuna's nickname. The Baka Rangers weren't born until summer.

(3)The martial art that Ayaka mastered best, even founding her own branch to add to the four main ones, Tokimune, Hisa, Horikawa (Ayaka is probably a student of this branch, noted for having originated smaller branch) and Sagawa. The most famous student of Aiki-Jujitsu is probably Ueshida Morihei, the Aikido founder.

(4)It's true: Evangeline is a student of Aikido, having learned it from Ueshida himself around 1920 and then developing her own version in the following years. Asuna made the mistake because she's not formally trained in martial arts, having begun to learn the Shinmei basics only two years later.

(5)We are talking of people capable to acquire top-of-the-line military weaponry. Do you believe they won't recognize one of the best snipers in the world and her close associates?

(6)In 357 Roman forces under the Caesar and future emperor Julian fought against the Alamanni at Strasbourg. The 13.000 Romans literally slaughtered the 25.000 Alamanni, killing 6.000 and drowning other 2.000 and losing only 243 men. Even when Rome was falling, you had to be humble facing the best troops of the Empire, or you were ferociously slaughtered, as Attila learned a century later when he was almost killed by the last decent army of Rome.

(7)The faction that led the Afghanistan (as Islamic State of Afghanistan) from the fall of the socialist Republic of Afghanistan in 1992 to the victory of the Taliban's and their Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan in 1996. The Front led a guerrilla against the Taliban and in 2001 it required the power with the help of the United States coalition, and founded the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan. In this fanfic the Front is still a faction that is fighting a losing civil war, as we are now still in 2000.

(8)Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (Basque Homeland and Freedom) is an armed organization fighting for Basque independence from Spain and France.

(9)Kurdistan Workers' Party is a military movement active in Turkey for Kurdi independence. It's listed as a terrorist organization in many countries.

(10)Ke Aupuni O Hawa'i, in English Kingdom of Hawaii, was overthrown by United States and reformed in the puppet-state of the Republic of Hawa'i in 1893. US troops remained in the capital Honolulu until the annexation by United States as Territory of Hawaii in 1898. The Territory was reformed in a full member state in 1959.

(11)In the Hawaiian culture an 'ohana is an extended family that includes blood, adopted and intentional relatives. The members of an 'ohana are strictly bounded together, almost like a one being. If you watched the movies of the _Lilo and Stitch_ saga or the cartoon series, you probably knew this.

(12)Kaua'i is the fourth greatest island of the Hawa'i islands. It's capital is Lihu'e. A little trivia: Kaua'i is the main setting of the movie _Lilo and Stitch_, its sequels and the TV-series spinoff, with the main characters and various supporting characters like Mrs. Has_**A**_gawa even living in the outskirts of Lihu'e.

(13)In the traditional Hawaiian religion, Milu is the god of underworld and death, in face of the efforts of the Christian missionaries to recast the four main divinities as their trinity plus Satan. Note: evoking Milu as the one who drove away principal Kuno, Chisame is hoping that the god will petrify him.

(14)In the traditional Hawaiian religion, an 'aumakua (plur.: na 'aumakua) is the guardian spirit of a family, often a deified ancestor, and manifest himself as an animal, such an owl, a shark or, in this case, an hawk. Some families have many na 'aumakua (there's at least one case of a family with over fifty na 'aumakua).

(15)I always had the impression that if she's not pissed off or bored (very rarely); Evangeline is very similar to Hermione Granger, character wise. Also, Evangeline is very lookalike Emma Watson when the actress starred in the first two _Harry Potter_ movies.


	4. Chapter 4

Warning: never got Mana serious.

By lord Martiya

Firearms glossary

Walther PPK: smaller version of the Walther PP series pistol. It's famous as the weapon of choice of James Bond, while Adolph Hitler preferred the military-issued PP version to kill himself. It's one of the most used, widespread and copied pistols in the world, and is produced in Germany and United States (under license), and was produced even in France. It came chambered for .32 ACP, .380 ACP, .22 LR and .25 ACP rounds (the recent PP-Super can be chambered even for 9x18mm Ultra rounds).

Lupara: literally 'wolf-shot', it's a break-open two-barreled sawed-off shotgun. It was created and widely used in Sicily for wolf hunting (hence the name) with particular 6mm pellet shots (called 'munizionamento spezzato n°4', literally 'broken round #4'), sometimes linked with iron wire to make more damage to the target (this particular ammo was used mostly in Calabria). As it's easy to conceal, this weapon was a favorite of the Mafia organized crime syndicates, both in Sicily than in U.S.

General Dynamics GAU-8 Avenger: it's a seven-barreled hydraulic-driven rotary cannon. This anti-tank weapon has a rate of fire of 3900 rounds per minute fired in short bursts, and uses extremely powerful 30x173mm caliber PGU-13 High Explosive Incendiary and PGU-14 Armor-Piercing Incendiary ammo. Its recoil has a power of more than half of the maximum combined output of the jet engines of the A-10 Thundebolt II (better known as Warthog) close air support-ground attack aircraft. Little note: the Avenger is an anti-TANK weapon...

FN Five-seven: made by the Fabrique Nationale de Herstal, this handgun is designated to incapacitate and/or killing military personnel wearing light body armour, and uses 5.27x28mm rounds made by FNH. In real world, it was designed in 2000 and released in 2004. Here, someone had it in 1998...

**CHAPTER 04: DROIDEKA? NO, WORSE...**

Just outside Novosibirsk(1) a girl was traveling along the Trans-Siberian Railroad in first class reading a journal. The sight of four men wearing dark black suits approaching her caught her attention enough to pull her attention away from the journal. It really didn't surprise her that they came to a stop less then a meter away from her.

"Follow us, madam." one of them said.

"You're better than I though: I wasn't expecting you guys for another week, ne." she replied. "But you made a critical mistake: there are no other people in this cabin and I have no problem in killing you, ne. _**Last Tale My Magic Scir Magister.**_"

A blazing fire consumed the cabin's interior, incinerating everyone but the girl.

"Now I'll have to find another way to get to Wales. Negi-bozu, I won't be long, ne." she said to nobody. "Why am I talking to nobody?"

* * *

In a class council Qiao informed her classmates that she found rooms for them in the local seminary and the attached high school.

"Fuck!" Evangeline exclaimed.

"Language!" Ayaka shouted.

"Well, I have no problem with the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad, but I can't suffer his fan girls. Seriously, can you imagine how much damage they did?! Roman women had rights that modern women only recently reclaimed in the 20th century; they lost them after that idiot Constantine gave the most conservative Christians cultural dominance(2)! Science got almost blocked for 1000 years in the West, and if you dared declare that Earth was not in the center of the universe you could be burn(3)! Do I have to continue?"

"Uh..."

"Well, I chose that place for two reasons: it's free and we can damage and destroy it at pleasure!" Qiao declared, showing a contract.

The class ran to read the contract, and saw exactly that.

"We are not worthy..." Haruna said, looking Qiao with adoration.

"You're a weirdo but still a genius." Chisame said.

In the meantime the Fighting Girls were checking their ability to destroy it with the flimsiest reason.

"Hey, not all Catholics are so bad!" Kasuga Misora said.

"Better be prepared." Mana replied.

Ku Fei asked something.

"I don't understand..." Sakurazaki Setsuna replied.

After deciding to dedicate more time to study spoken Japanese, Ku Fei took some paper and wrote her question: how'd Qiao managed to do that?

* * *

Cremona, office of the local bishop.

"See? I signed it! They can live in the seminary! They even have copies in Italian, Japanese and English!" the bishop shouted happily.

"Well done. Here the photos." D1 replied handing a package.

"But why blackmailing me with those?!"

"Well, you're responsible enough that we had to FORGE something to blackmail you." D1 replied.

"I didn't mean this, and you know!"

"But it's funnier this way. Now, to answer your question, I hold a grudge with the personnel of the school. Goodbye, and remember, Giulio, short speeches after the communion(4)."

* * *

After the class reunion, Evangeline returned to her home. It was a while from the last time she cleaned the house, so it was a mess.

"Damned Nagi, you'll pay even for this..." Evangeline cursed. "Why did you had to seal my powers?! Now I can't even clean because I get tired too soon..."

"Now I understand why you asked for that function." a voice interrupted.

Evangeline immediately pulled out a machete and nearly hit the girl who managed to appear behind her, thanks to the tantrum distraction, but stopped. The girl was an apparently bored. From her appearance it was clear that she had some European, possibly Italian or Mediterranean, and her short curly reddish-brown hair, flanked by a forklift with a crate.

"Nishizawa Rei, when will you stop to appear behind me?" Evangeline asked.

"When you'll stop being distracted." she replied calmly.

"Cut the crap. Is it ready?"

"Ready for testing."

"Ku ku ku... Fu fu fu... FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! TAKE THIS, NAGI SPRINGFIELD!!! I'M A STEP NEARER TO MY LIBERTY!!!"

"What a weirdo..."

Evangeline and Rei realized that Chisame and the class journalist in training, Asakura Kazumi, were present and heard Evangeline declaration.

"You saw and heard nothing." Evangeline said.

"I'm smart enough to know." Chisame replied.

"Wait, why should we shut up?!?!?!" Kazumi asked, as a good journalist should do.

"Is this an adequate reason?" Rei replied, the reason being her German-made, .25 ACP chambered PPK handgun.

Kazumi nodded with great passion.

"Good girl." Rei stated.

"Asakura, I'm in a good mood." Evangeline declared. "So, if happens what I think I'll give you a scoop worthy of that journal you want to work for. By the way, who's the crazy publisher of that journal?"

"Jodansha(5)!" replied Asakura, scandalized that somebody in Japan didn't know of that craziness.

* * *

Chisame began to cry out of desperation.

Tendo Akane was venting her rage on two practice dummies, one with a pigtailed wig and one with a long straight black wig and toy pistols. Earlier that day Akane had found her wayward fiancé flirting with Mana (the flirt consisting in the two of them laughing while recalling an old successful and funny mission while drinking some of the high-quality tea sold by Evangeline(6)), and when she tried to beat up Mana to be free to punish her fiancé (if she attacked Ranma directly Mana would have shot her, remember?) she was thrown in a pond and then dosed with Instant Jusenkyo of the Drown Boy Spring. Granted, the effect of the Instant Jusenkyo was temporary, but still she was humiliated and furious for being unable to 'rightfully' (in her mind) punish her fiancé.

"Tomboy was defeated by Gunslinger Woman AGAIN, wasn't she?" asked Shampoo appearing behind her.

"Piss off!" Akane replied.

"Tomboy has to remain calm, Shampoo is here to help against the common enemy."

"She beat you with no effort."

"That's why Shampoo and Tomboy are not alone. Come. On the honor of the Amazon, Shampoo swear to not mean harm to Tomboy if Tomboy accepts to help."

Akane gaped. There was always much hostility between them, but they had a thing in common, and it was that both strictly to their own crazy codes of honor, in Shampoo case to the point of fanaticism, and Akane knew that the Chinese Amazon would not break a promise on her own honor. But wasn't Akane on her 'To Kill' list?

"Obviously, the truce will expire after Gunslinger Woman is no more to be killed." Shampoo added.

"Ah... OK. What do you have in mind?" Akane replied.

"Come."

Akane followed Shampoo, and met her new co-conspirators: Kodachi and Ukyo.

"Welcome, Tendo-san." Kodachi greeted her.

"What are you doing here?!" Akane asked.

"Teaming up against Tatsumiya-san?"

"Akane, Tatsumiya Mana is a cold-blooded killer, physically stronger than Ryoga, versatile at least like Happosai, stealthier than the Koga Sword master and armed with a ridiculous amount of firearms. None of us can take her alone." Ukyo explained. "In fact, I'm not sure we can defeat her even all together..."

"I didn't mean this. Why do you want Mana dead?" Akane replied.

"She's a danger for Ranma-sama, and I shall not let her live." Kodachi answered coldly.

"Yeah, same thing." Ukyo added.

"Honor requires her death." Shampoo stated. "Means are not important, so Shampoo will help you. Speaking of means..."

Shampoo produced useful items, and asked Akane about a certain thing of hers. For the first time in her life Akane considered Shampoo a friend and an ally. Too bad that Shampoo had Death-Kissed her years ago and was just waiting to have Ranma for herself before carrying the death sentence(7)...

* * *

Mana was happy, sort of. She wasn't still over her fiancé's death, but with Ranma's vicinity, Ryoga occasional visits (his girlfriend was now living near Mahora, and they dated often), Ryoga's crazy dates (so crazy that they were special articles on the Mahora's journal, even more of the occasional sighting of the School's Vampire), some pals in the Corps (especially Kaede, with whom she shared a similar work ethic) and even Evangeline's cruel training and teasing (the vampire had decided to play matchmaker with her and Ranma) she was slowly returning more her old self. Still she would let nobody surprise her, even when she was thinking at Evangeline's observations on Ranma's well build body. That's why she immediately let her round packages fall to pick up two luparas in her trench coat without showing them.

"Reveal yourself, Tendo Akane, Shampoo and you with the bondage ribbon." Mana said.

"THAT'S A RHYTMIC GYMNASTIC ITEM!!!" Kodachi roared.

The three young women (or overgrown children, in Mana's opinion) showed up, Kodachi in her trademark leotard with her ribbon in hand and a backpack, Shampoo in a Chinese fighting suit with her chui and Akane dressed with samurai armor over what she guessed be Akane's infamous battle douji(8) and armed with assorted samurai weaponry.

"Why are you here?" Mana asked.

"You'll leave Ranma alone, or else..." Akane threatened.

"I tried to be polite. Now go to that Kuno idiot and fuck yourself or something else, because if you attack me you'll die."

Akane unsheathed a katana, and her two companions spread out. In that moment Ukyo appeared near Mana to cut her using her giant spatula. Only to discover that Mana was pointing a lupara at her without even looking.

**CRACK!**

**CRA-CRACK!**

**CRACK!**

The shots from the luparas were dodged, but not completely, and all the four aggressors were slightly hurt. By shots tipped in one of the most painful substances known to man, platypus venom(9). After that she dropped the luparas and took a huge bowie knife modified to be used as bayonet to cut the throats of her attacker, beginning with Akane to give them mercy (most people who experimented platypus venom consider death a better fate).

"Do you realize that you were still alive because I didn't want to hurt Ranma? But now you attacked me, and I have a reputation." Mana told her. Then she decided to vent on her the frustration at the anticipated Ranma's reaction: "Well, at least he won't remain hurt for you for long. We're yet good friends, and men appreciate sexual compulsive women. Still, Ranma will remain hurt for Kodachi's, Shampoo's and Ukyo's deaths..."

That was the last straw: Akane was dumb enough to believe completely at Mana's words, and forced herself to attack Mana. Thanks the skills gave her by the battle dojo and her moving way faster than usual, she almost managed to punch the sniper woman (who was also caught off-guard), who caught her punch at only a few cm from her face.

"So, you wish to annoy the coroner when he'll try and identify your corpse..." Mana commented before giving Akane a left punch with all her strength.

Akane's helmet was smashed, and Akane herself flew in the bushes, but her head was not disintegrated as expected.

"Ha! You can't hurt me like that! I ate the super-strength soba(9)!" Akane boasted.

While Akane's pals, who in the meantime hided themselves to give their doses of antidote to the platypus venom (all of them had some blade soaked of platypus venom for various purposes and carried the antidote in case they cut themselves) the time to fight the pain, mentally called her an idiot for revealing their ace in the hole, Mana smiled.

"So you finally accepted you're more male than female and decided to have moustaches." Mana provoked her.

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"Don't worry, you'll die like men die in modern time."

Mana pulled out a weapon.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!" Ukyo commented.

"THAT'S CRAZY!!!" Kodachi shouted.

"MANA IS FANATIC!!!" Shampoo screamed.

"YOU'RE PSYCHO!!!" Akane shouted.

Well, they were justified: Mana's weapon was a General Dynamics GAU-8, a monster weapon long 5.06 meters and with a weight of 281 kg. Mana's one was even modified to retain the ability to shoot long continued bursts and select the rate of fire.

"Don't smile: those shoots are for you." Mana said, translating a quote from her favorite song, _Gli Spari Sopra_ (literally: 'Those Shoots') of Vasco Rossi. Then she began to shoot her 30mm explosive-incendiary rounds, tormenting her terrified foes with near-misses.

"Chachamaru, attack!"

**FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-BABOOOOOM!!!**

A rocket barrage hit the zone, disseminating tear-gas who only Shampoo and Mana managed to defend from (Mana using Kodachi's gas mask, throw at her by the blast of a couple of rounds). Then, all wearing gas masks, appeared a laughing Evangeline, a camera-wielding Kazumi and a clearly annoyed and webcam-wielding Chisame, immediately followed by a mask less tall green-haired machine-eared girl dressed as a French maid and a masked Rei.

"Good work, Chachamaru(11)." Evangeline said.

"Thank you, master." the maid replied.

"Master?! THAT'S SLAVERY!!! I'LL HAVE YOU EXPELLED FOR THIS, MCDOWELL!!!" Akane shouted.

"IT'S A ROBOT!!!" Chisame replied.

Before Akane got a chance at replying, Chachamaru performed the Norimaki Arale's infamous trick of saying hello with the head in her hands, giving the most stereotypical otaku evidence for that.

In the meantime Evangeline took an unexploded bullet and soaked it with the water, making it explode.

"Greek Fire(12)-tipped incendiary rounds... It must be really expensive." she commented.

"Actually, I was testing them for the producer." Mana replied.

"A most successful test, apparently." Evangeline replied looking at the devastated surroundings. "Now, business. You four idiots, did you really believed that I won't spot this killing attempt?"

"What attempt?" Akane replied. "We were attacked!"

"Do NOT insult my intelligence. I looked at you all the time. And, by the way, in the gas there was a skin-absorbed element that neutralized your doping, so don't try to escape, China girl!"

"Me is Shampoo!"

"Whatever. And I was still controlling, and I have witnesses and filmed evidences that you started the attack and Mana just overdid. So, I can punish you. Tatsumiya, capture Shampoo."

Mana shot the Amazon with a tranquillizer bullet, knocking her out.

"Now, what will I do you?" Evangeline said.

* * *

The day later Ranma was talking with the Fiancé Brigade.

"What made you believe you could defeat Mana?" he asked. "Seriously, you were about to be killed and she just got half-serious!"

"HALF-SERIOUS?!?!?!" Akane screamed.

"Yeah. You don't want to be near her when she starts using bombs..."

"Your friend is quite interesting, Saotome, but you are in the shooting area." Nabiki interrupted.

After that, Nabiki started to apply the punishment Evangeline decided: shooting targets to make the Fiancé Brigade, all nice and naked, drop in a poll full of an irritant agent, advertised by the school journal in Kazumi's article about the facts. The numbers of paying shooters were staggering, and Akashi Yuna was one of the best, bested only by some member of the shooting sports clubs and the shooters from the Military Club...

**Omake: Joining the D-Team**

Hello, my name's Giulia, but you probably know me as DN or Her Imperial Majesty the Medeia(13). Lately some people wondered why I joined the D-Team or they let me join, and apparently there's a rumor that I used a spell to let me in (and when I find some evidence I'll make Albireo Imma pay. Yes, I know it's your fault). It's true in a sense, but it wasn't a mind-control spell. So, here's the real story.

It happened in 1998. I was already a powerful mage, and my full powers were just activated. I was feeling all powerful, and I was on a date with my boyfriend. Then, that happened.

"I feel dizzy... Take me home..." I said.

Obviously, he didn't. Instead, he took me in a hidden place, and began to touch where he wasn't supposed to touch. Yeah, he spiked my drink to drug and then rape me. I fall into that as an idiot, and Fabio, that damned fox, will never stop to remind me of that! Well, that's the price of being too confident.

"Stop... immediately, or else..." I threatened him.

I don't remember what he exactly said, but he tried to fool me into believe that he was the D1. Then, a familiar voice said told him that he was fucked enough for the attempted rape and that he didn't need to fuck himself more than that. At that point I lost consciousness, and when I wake up I found myself in an unfamiliar bedroom and dressed in a dark MALE pajama.

"You woke up sooner than we though." The Familiar Voice said.

I turned my head to look at him, and saw for the first time the D1. Or, better, I saw for the first time my old friend Enrico as the D1, and trying to hide himself in the darkness of the room.

"Care to explain, Enrico?" I asked.

"Who's Enrico?" he replied.

"I know you from the day after your birth, you can't fool me."

"Uff... Well, it happened that your boyfriend drugged and tried to rape you." he replied after turning on the lights. "As I was..."

"Stalking me?"

"No, stalking HIM: I didn't trust him."

"Jealous?"  
"WHAT?!?!?!" he screamed while blushing.

"I know you too well for not noting that you're in love with me."

"Aww... However, it wasn't because I was jealous, it was for my instinct. Doing my work, it's something that you have to develop. And I was right. So I caught him. Now, your turn. How did you managed to recover in five minutes and 47 seconds? Your trick, I mean."

"I'm a Medeia."

"Uh... And you fall for that?"

"I'm a healer, not an omniscient being! Just out of curiosity, what did you exactly did to me?"

"Only changed clothes, yours were a bit dirty."

"Well, I suppose I should thank you for saving me."

At that point, I kissed him. Yes, it was my first kiss, why? Uh? I never gave a crap about that First Kiss Fetish. But, apparently, Enrico did, and his embarrassment was so cute that, well, I continued. I said him: "And this is my thank you for not abusing of me in my sleep.", and then... French Kiss, and placed his hands on my breast and my butt! He recovered immediately and kissed me back for a couple of minutes, then ran away in the bathroom. From his embarrassment every time I asked him what's happened and the fact he returned with different pants and probably panties, I believe that his reproductive organs got a bit carried away, if you understand what I mean. Even I was a bit embarrassed by kissing who was, at the time, just a friend, even if a close one, but Enrico knew me well enough to understand that I did it only as a spectacular thank you and didn't misunderstood my feelings, even if he was happier.

"Well, what's happened to him?" I asked after he explained me that he didn't misunderstand.

"We have chained him, and will invent something for him." he replied.

"I'd like to deal with his punishment myself."

"I understand, but he's a D Team prisoner, WE will punish him."

"Good. How can I join?"

"What?"

"How can I join?"

"Look, to receive our Five-seven you'll need to prove yourself in combat facing one of us, and I'm not sure you could handle it."

"I can defeat all of you. Go and chose my victim, and please don't face me yourself, I won't like humiliate you. Especially because you won't fight back..."

"I'll do, if it can save you from the dangers of our job. Do you know what we do?"

"Investigations, body guard duty, assassinations, demolitions, theft, recovering lost objects, and all the rest. And with me you could become the best of both worlds."

"We'll see."

After I changed back in my clothes (they washed them fast), Enrico led me to their HQ arena. Yes, I was in their base, and the other six Ds were waiting for me. I recognized the D5, Fabio, as Enrico's best friend and even the most dangerous and the only one that at the time could defeat me, but my foe was D4, Andrea. The most delicate one, as I later discovered: he was not only incredibly strong, but could even dose his power with ease.

"You can still back off." Enrico warned.

"I'll win with one spell and my fingers." I replied.

"Uff... Begin!"

Then I used the spell that let me in: a Water Dimensional Bridge under Andrea's foot, blocking him in his place and having his leg just before me. Then I took his boot and his sock, and tickled into submission the Boy Who Kicks Skyscrapers Into Oblivion. I entered the D Team without even showing my real combat abilities...

What's happened to him? Well, I used my potions and the full power of my Colchian Magic(14) to brainwash him and doing some alteration to his body. Last time I saw HER, just two minutes before he recovered his memory while retaining the full knowledge of what he did, he was a bitch for a high-ranking member of the Peeper's Council.

Footnotes

(1)A Russian city. It's the third largest city in Russia and the largest in Siberia, as the administrative center of both the Novosibirsk Oblast and the Siberian Federal District. It was founded to provide settlement for the workers of the Trans-Siberian Railroad in the site of the future railway bridge on the Orb River.

(2)Historical fact: Roman women had all the civilian rights of Roman men. After the First Council of Nicaea, Christian priestess disappeared, Constantine gave them cultural dominance and at the fall of the Roman Empire women had almost no right.

(3)They did it to Giordano Bruno.

(4)Well, when I was still a child and a Catholic I went to a midnight Christmas mass in the cathedral of Cremona. After the communion, the bishop, a guy named Giulio (I don't remember his surname), spoke for half an hour, maybe more. At that point, seeing that he was nowhere near the end, I shouted "A Giulio, taglia corto!", literally "Giulio, shut up!". As D1 is my alter ego in the story, he would recall that stunt. Ah, good times...

(5)If you ever read the wonderful and crazy manga _Haikara-san ga Toru_ (literally 'Here Comes Miss High Collar', known in English as _Smart-san_ and _Mademoiselle Anne_), you don't need to read this note. If you never read, you need to know that Jodansha (literally 'Joke Inc.') is a small publishing house who publish the magazine _Jodan Club_. On this magazine are published news articles and works of various authors (at least one of them, Edogawabata, is a sort of vampiric monster with a living mummy as assistant). In the years 1918-1923 its workers were Aoe Tosei (director and publisher, the incredibly handsome bastard son of the wife of a rich banker. He loathes working in bank, and in the beginning was so msogynist that the mere touch of a woman provoked him a bad urticaria until he was exorcised), Hetsura Iwao (a kimono-wearing man infamous for mocking the antics of his co-workers and wanting to kill authors late with their works but leaving alive their writing hand), Aiso Yoshio (he's even more mocking than Hetsura, but has very strange antics), Kobi Urita (the nose less one who exorcised Aoe every time he had his urticaria, he does most of the work. In the end of the manga he unknowingly promised to marry Tsumeko. Poor bastard...), Hanamura Benio (the protagonist of the manga, this crazy woman, flatter than a surf-board and manlier than Saotome Nodoka's ideal man, was the one who cured Aoe of his misogyny (and unwillingly stole his heart). She's the 'godmother' of a yakuza she beat during an attempted love run, and she repeatedly beat the crap out of a military officer who continued to provoke her and, when wrongly imprisoned as anarchist (at the time a crime, and not only in Japan), forced the police, the guards and the other prisoners to go crazy) and Fukurokoji Tsumeko (a sort of oni badly disguised as a woman, she was compared to the 1923 Great Kanto Earthquake, the giant moth Mothra (that time Benio was compared with Godzilla, and won), a giant snake (Benio defeated her with a giant slug comparison) and a yokai. She considered Benio a rival for Tosei's mother wanted her to marry her son but he refused being in love with Benio. She ended marrying Urita when it seemed that Tosei was marrying Benio).

(6)Well, we know that Evangeline is a sort of tea lover who lived for all the time tea was known in Europe. Why should she not sell some of her tea in excess, obviously at high price?

(7)If you remember well, Shampoo gave Akane the Kiss of Death early in the series. The only logical reason I can find about her not killing Akane while sometimes tormenting her with the notion she's stronger is exactly this: Shampoo is not as cold-hearted as she sometimes acts and is just waiting to have Ranma in love with her before killing Akane exactly to not make Ranma suffer. And before you ask why Shampoo here is trying to kill Mana in spite of her being Ranma's best friend with Ryoga, it's for the simple fact that Mana is way much stronger than Akane or even Shampoo so she doesn't have the options she has with Akane.

(8)An infamous sentient suit Akane entered in possession of in the manga. When wearing it, her skills are vastly improved. At the end of the Battle Douji Arc Ranma managed to destroy it while fighting with a too much psychotic Akane, but Kasumi repaired it.

(9)This venom is not powerful enough to kill humans, but you'll beg for death: the pain alone is enough, but you'll suffer immediate hyperalgesia (every pain you suffer, you suffer it worst) for a period lasting from a few days to a few MONTHS.

(10)It appeared in a _Ranma 1/2_ manga arc. A single dose, that she ate in place of Happosai, gave Akane enough raw strength to make Ryoga at his maximum seems an helpless child, but with the side effect that she'll eventually grew moustaches (she accepted to eat the antidote only after she began to grow whiskers).

(11)That's not the Karakuri Chachamaru who works as main Evangeline's partner, but a less powerful and less intelligent prototype, the Karakuri Chachamaru Mk-1. Evangeline's partner is the fifth model, and will appear later.

(12)Greek fire was an incendiary weapon used by the Eastern Roman Empire (or Byzantine Empire), where it was known as sea fire (as it was used mostly as anti-ship weapon), Roman fire (as the Byzantine were in fact Romans), war fire, processed fire and, mostly, liquid fire. This substance, deployed with siphon-like flamethrowers and grenades, created a fire that couldn't be extinguished with water (and was even IGNITED by water, according to some accounts), and literally burned to ashes entire fleets and all the war machines of the enemy of the Roman Empire. The formula was known only to the regnant emperor and some authorized artisans, and unauthorized spreading of this knowledge was a capital offence. The substance was even part of an heavily compartmentalized weapon systems comprising the production of the liquid fire, its compression and heating up to be ignited, the siphons and grenades used to deploy it and the training to use the siphons, with knowledge of every part spread on a needing-to-know base (only the emperor knew all the things), just in case an enemy broke the secret of part of the system or even captured quantities of liquid fire (as happened in 814: in the conquest of the cities of Mesembria and Debeltos the Bulgarians captured 36 siphons and quantities of liquid fire, yet they were unable to reproduce and even use both the siphons and the liquid fire). Knowledge on how make and use this devastating incendiary weapon was lost in 1453 with the fall of the Eastern Roman Empire to the Ottoman, as all the manufacturer or the substance were killed by the Turkish or suicide and the last emperor, Constantine XI, died in battle leading the last charge of the Roman Army.

(13)Medeia is the transliteration of the Greek word for Media. I used it as a title because his literal meaning is 'The Woman Who Gives Advice'.

(14)Giulia/DN normally uses a magic based on potions, like the Medea of the Greek myth and her aunt and teacher Circe. The two were COLCHIAN, not Greeks (in the myth Medea was even regarded as the ancestor of the Persians, arch foes of the Ancient Greece), and their magic was quite different than the one of the Greek mages. And a bit more powerful, as Medea could revive dead.


End file.
